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Back from the Dead

A big hello to all my friends!

Now I don’t know how many of you still remember me – after all my last post on this forum was waaaay back in 2013. Around that time I started a new job at a place that had sucked out my very will to live. No, I’m not exaggerating – that particular office started at nine and did not under any circumstance allow its employees to leave its premises, even for a minute, before seven. It put its employees under constant surveillance (CCTV cameras); it was ‘forbidden’ to get up from the chair or to talk to a colleague (except when the women were invited to the boss’s cabin for sexual harassment). The use of mobile phones was not allowed, neither was it allowed to consume any food that was not supplied by the office canteen. Each of us were made to do the work of three people, and that too in an atmosphere of relentless stress. Sounds a lot like being in a jail, right?

Within days of joining, my activities on this forum had died a swift death. Predictably, I couldn’t last there for more than three years. But even after leaving the firm I couldn’t shake off its effects on my psyche. Something was broken inside me. Other setbacks followed – these were health related. Things got so bad, in fact, that until a couple of days ago my daily activity was limited lying in bed all day playing games on my phone. Just anything to get through the day – only to pass sleepless nights full of guilt and regret. I was making zero contribution: towards the world OR towards my own well-being.

So were the days passing by when yesterday, in response to a totally unrelated search, my page from this forum popped out of nowhere. I don’t know if it was a sign from a Higher Power or just plain coincidence. But I was curious. I started going through my old posts. It was then, suddenly, that I was hit by the realization that there used to be a time when I was alive – not just merely breathing but well and truly alive. There was a time when I was still passionate about things, I was actually doing something worth my while. Alright, it was nothing earth-shattering or clever, or even useful, but it was at least stimulating work [stimulating for my (modest) level of intellect]. What had I done in the intervening years that had me just as enthused?

So, after five long years, once again I felt inspired. I don’t know if I will be able to write regularly from now onwards, or if this is just a one off. But at least I have had the motivation to get off my butt and do something, for a change. In doing so, I have also felt the bite of time. I don’t know if LJ is an active community anymore. The things that kept me occupied five years ago – Harutoki, Saiunkoku Monogatari, Inuyasha – are probably dead topics now. But so have I been. I have not proceeded beyond them to acquire new interests. So I have started by translating a song that was sitting in my laptop for many years. I love the tongue in cheek quality of the lyrics – never fails to put a smile on my face. Also, it has been beautifully sung by Naozumi Takahashi-san. I have not been able to identify the lyrist or composer of this song. If anybody has the information (provided people still listen to Harutoki) kindly provide the same and I’ll update.

Denkousekka no Koi (Electrifying Love)
CD: Haruka naru toki no naka de 3 - Ariake no Uta
Lyrics by: ?
Composed by: ?
Sung by: Naozumi Takahashi

Akai yuuhi mogitori ageru
Ore no moeru koko da yo
Kocchi wo muite kurenakya naku yo
Umi wa zenbu ore no namida

I’ll pluck out the red setting sun and offer it to you
It is my burning heart, after all
If you don’t turn your face towards me, I will start to cry
The ocean was formed from my tears

Kamome ni naranai ka
Masshiro na suhada wo misete
Senaka no suiheisen
Sono mukou ni wa
Nani ga aru no ka
Takara sagashi ni yukou no

Won’t you turn into a seagull,
And show me your pure white skin?
Your back is my horizon
Does something lie beyond it?
Let’s go look for that treasure

Atsukute hakanai denkousekka no yume
Amakute suppai denkousekka no koi

Hot and fleeting, these lightning dreams
Sweet and sour, this electrifying love

Matte yo matte ore no binetsu wo
Kuchiutsushi de tsutaesasete
Sono yubi wa rashinban
Ore no kimochi wo ayatsutte
Suki demo kirai demo ii
Sono manazashi de sono tameiki de
Kanjiru tokoro wo oshiete

Stop my light fever, oh, stop it
Convey your love to me, mouth to mouth
Your finger is a compass
That manipulates my feelings
Whether I like it or hate it.
With your glance, with your sighs
Teach me where you want to feel

Atsukute hakanai denkousekka no yume
Amakute suppai denkousekka no koi

Hot and fleeting, these lightning dreams
Sweet and sour, this electrifying love

Mitasarenai omoi
Mizu ni utsutta mangetsu wo
Tsukande iru mitai de
Tanoshii koto wo sagashitsudzukeru
Itsuka omae ni au made

These unfulfilled feelings
Are like grasping the shadow
Of the full moon in the water
I keep looking for things to entertain me
Until the day I finally meet you

Atsukute hakanai denkousekka no yume
Ichibyou no eien sa denkousekka no koi

Hot and fleeting, these lightning dreams
Eternity inside a moment – this electrifying love

Fluff Deprived

Writing angst for far too long...desperately need some Inukag fluff :(
Shameless plugging: Please check out my quiz and give your comments on it. Here is the link:


Translation: Mono Omou Kimi Ni Ai No Te O

Saiunkoku Monogatari Drama CD
Mono Omou Kimi Ni Ai No Te O

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Tsui no Koki ni Idaku Mono

Tsui no Koku ni Idaku Mono (One to be Embraced at the Final Hour)
Lyrics by: Katagiri Koushiro
Composed by: Iizuka Masaaki
Sung by: Okiayu Ryoutarou

Mizu ni utsuru omae no sugata
Kuzushi nagara medeyou ka
Nanimokamo ga tsui no kotowari
Suuhai to shihai yami to en

Your image, reflected in water,
Shall I love it even as I break it?
Everything follows the logic of opposites,
Adoration and domination, darkness and flame

Massugu ni  nobasu sono te
Hikiyosete mayou  oroka na setsuna

Pulling close your outstretched hand
I waver for one foolish moment

Tooku tooku ni  hibiku
Omae no sasayaki  kono mune ni fureru
Subete kudaranu  konoyo
Awaki kuchibiru no omae wo ubaou ka
Tsui no hate ni

Resounding far, far away
Your whispers touch my heart
In this worthless world
Shall I snatch you, of pale lips,
Away to the end of all ends?

Sora wo aogu  omae no sugata
Kaze de midashi  nakasou ka
Sue wo matsu yo tagai wo wakatsu
Itsuwari to makoto  ten to chi

Your image that fans the sky
Shall I disturb it with the wind and make you cry?
This world, waiting for its demise, separates from each other
Deceit and truth, heaven and earth

Hohoende  watashi wo yobu
Osore sae shiranu  mujaki na tsumi yo

Smilingly, you call to me,
A fearless, innocent sin

Haruka haruka ni  kasumu
Hosoki sono karada  taorisou ni naru
Subete kudaranu  konoyo
Hakanakute tsuyoi  omae no hoka nado wa

Clouding far, far away
Your slender image becomes fragile
In this worthless world
I shall crush everything except for you,
Who is unreal, yet real

Gisei  seijaku  hametsu
Nukumori wa jama da  hoshii hazu ga nai

Sacrifice, silence, destruction
Warmth is but a hindrance, something I should not want

Karete karehate kuchiro
Yabou wo naraku ni  nomikomaseyou ka
Subete subete wa  mujou
Kegarenaki mama no omae ni senaka muke
Ten ni hanatsu

Wither, wither away and rot
Shall I engulf everything in the abyss of my ambition?
Everything, everything is uncertain
Turning my back to you, my untarnished one,
I shall release myself to heaven

Touka Hitori Konoyo ni Ochite

Song: Touka Hitori Konoyo ni Ochite (A Frozen Flower Falls in this World)
Lyrics By: Takubo Mami (?)
Sung By: Okiayu Ryoutarou

Touka ni ochiru  
Sekibaku no hate
Kodoku na batsu wo
Kono mi ni kizami

I’ll fall into these frozen flowers
At the limits of desolation
Carving into my body
The punishment of loneliness

Karamitsuita hosoi ito wa kaze ni kie
Aruji no nai sumika no ato wo azawarau
Oroka na zainin no matsuro wo shirinagara
Kurikaeshi omoi haseru negai
Umarekawareta nara
Tsugi koso wa eien ni omae to...

The thin, tangled threads disappear in the wind
Ridiculing the empty spider’s lair
While knowing the fate of this stupid criminal
My feelings repeatedly run only one prayer
If I am reincarnated,
Next time, I will be with you eternally…

(Touka ni ochiru)
Sono te wo hanashi
(Sekibaku no hate)
Subete ga kooritsuita
(Kodoku na batsu wo)
Jikuu no saki no
(Kono mi ni kizami)
Kaeranu nukumori ni kogare

(Falling into frozen flowers)
Letting go of your hand
(At the limits of desolation)
Everything has frozen
(Carving in my body)
Yearning for the warmth that will never return
(The punishment of loneliness)
At the end of space and time

(Touka ni ochiru)
Omae wo sagasu
(Sekibaku no hate)
Kuukyo na kono sekai de  
Kanawanu ai wo nido to deaenu
(Kono mi ni kizami)
Sadame wo akirame kirezu ni

(Falling into frozen flowers)
I shall search for you
(At the limits of desolation)
Within this vacant world
My forbidden love, whom I won’t meet again
(Carving in my body)
Without throwing away my destiny

Onaji michi wo tomo ni ayumeta mirai wo
Ushinau ni wa ooki sugita hibi wo omou
Itetsuku ashimoto wa michibiita zetsubou
Kesshite tokeru koto no nai sekai
Ano komorebi no you na
Omae no kioku wo idaki hitori de...

Having lost the future where I could have walked together with you
I think about those countless days
Despair guides my frozen feet
Through the world that will never melt
Holding your memories, like sunlight coming through leaves
I walk alone…

(Touka ni ochiru)
Sono nukumori ga
(Sekibaku no hate)
Sei e to tsunagi tomeru
(Kodoku na batsu wo)
Tatoe sonomama
(Kono mi ni kizami)
Jouka sarete shimaou to mo

(Falling into frozen flowers)
Your warmth
(At the limits of desolation)
Will, someday, tie me to my end
(Carving in my body)
Even if I am purified
(The punishment of loneliness)
Like that

(Touka ni ochiru)
Omae no soba e
(Sekibaku no hate)
Modoreru musou no naka  
Kanawanu ai wo, tada sore dake wo
(Kono mi ni kizami)
Hitasura machiwabitsudzukete

(Falling into frozen flowers)
By your side
(At the limits of desolation)
Inside a constant reverie
A forbidden love, only for that
(Carving in my body)
Earnest and impatient, I keep waiting

Kono Kyouraku No Setsuna Yo


(This Moment of Pleasure)

Sung By: Okiayu Ryoutarou

Ginsen no ori kara mou nigedase mai

Ankoku no sekai no utsukushisa oshieyou

Mizukagami yureru omae ga utsuru

Kaguwashii hana wa saku mae ni chiritagaru

Escape again from the cage of the silver fan, and dance

I shall teach you the beauty of a pitch dark world

The mirror of water sways, reflecting you

A fragrant flower wants to scatter before it has bloomed

Jigoku ni kawaru toki o matsu

Yoru no shio no shizukesa yo

Saigo no ito wo itsu kiru ka

Kono kedakaki yubi ni kike

The quiet tide of the night awaits

The time when all will turn to hell

Shall I break the final thread,

Ask my sublime fingers

Meido no kassai saa maku ga agaru

Horobi yuku sekai no hakanasa wo mitodokeyou

Wareta tsuki mayou omae wo terasu

Itaike na chou wa tobu mae ni tsukamu no da

A rumbling applause, yes, the curtain rises

Ensuring the flimsiness of this crumbling world

A broken moon illuminates you, who has lost her way

I shall grasp the innocent butterfly before it can fly

Jigoku ni kaeru toki o matsu

Kono setsuna no kyouraku yo

Saigo no kui wo itsu utsu ka

Kono tsumetaki mune ni kike

The pleasure of this moment awaits

The time when all will change to hell

Shall I reveal my final regret,

I ask my cold heart

Shitataru yami wa uzu to nari

Onibi wo oi tawamureru

Kaze no hate ni wa nani ga aru?

Omae wo saa tsurete yuku

The trickling darkness becomes a whirlpool

Flirtingly chasing after will-o-the-wisps

What is there at the end of the wind?

Yes, I shall take you there

Jigoku ni kaeru toki o matsu

Kono setsuna no kyouraku yo

Saigo no kui o itsu utsu ka

Kono tsumetaki mune ni kike

The pleasure of this moment awaits

The time when all will change to hell

Shall I reveal my final regret,

I ask my cold heart

Akuram Related stuff

I am in love with Oikayu-san's voice, and his songs for Akuram from Harutoki are simply out of this world (IMHO). But I don't find the lyrics to the songs neatly complied in any one place. So I'm compiling as many songs as I could find in one place in case there are other fans out there who are looking for them. All translations have been done by yours truly so kindly forgive the lack of skills. 

Taihai No Tawamure



Written by Takubo Mami

Composed by Satou Hidetoshi

Arranged by Gotou Shou

Performed by Okiayu Ryoutarou

Akai mangetsu nomihosou ka

Kuroki yami no utage

Nani mo kamo ga kudaranu

Okashi sugite memai ga

Shall I drink up the red full moon

The banquet of black darkness

Everything becomes trivial

A dizziness beyond depravity

Kono karada wa kumo no sumika

Harari sono mi wo nage

Daraku no te de kegashite hoshii to

Naite negau no da

My body is a spider’s lair

Throwing your gently falling form

I wish to taint you with my corrupt hands

I plead and pray

Mogaku hodo ni karamu

Ito wo kireba sokubaku kou darou

The more you struggle the more I’ll bind you,

And if the thread breaks, you’ll pray for shackles

Dasei de tsuzuku eien yori mo

Hametsu suru zecchou wo oshieyou

Fukai itami hodo kairaku ni kawaru

Rather than eternity continuing in inertia

I’ll teach you of a devastating climax

The deeper the pain the more it turns to pleasure

Omae wa muku de itaike na chou

Sanagi kara uka suru you ni ima

Awai sono koromo nugisuteru ga ii

You are a pure, innocent butterfly

Like emerging from your chrysalis,

You better throw away your light garb

Rai de saita ten wa mukuro

Karero chi no hate made

Nani mo kamo ga tsumaranu

Munashi sugite warai ga

The heaven, cleft by lightning, is a corpse

Let all wither till the end of earth

Everything else is tedious

Laughable beyond emptiness

Rajoumon ni masshiroki chou wo

Atsui toge de saseba

Watashi dake no hyouhon

Kuchita sekai kazarou ka

If at the gate of decadence I pierce

A white butterfly with a hot thorn

Will only my example

Decorate this rotten world?

Omae dake wo nozomu

Karoki sugata yuukyuu no kagerou

You are the only thing I desire,

Your light form is an eternal mirage

Shoutai no naki shinjitsu yori mo

Kanpeki na haitoku wo oshieyou

Shihai sareru hodo etsuraku ga michiru

Rather than teaching truthless truths

Let me teach you complete immorality

Let pleasure fill to the point where it consumes you

Omae wa jun de zankoku na chou

Sono hane wo chigiri sutete warau

Itoshii orokasa yo dakiyoseru mo ii

You are a purely cruel butterfly

Scattering your discarded wings, you laugh

O Beloved Folly, you better embrace me now

Dasei de tsuzuku eien yori mo

Hametsu suru zecchou wo oshieyou

Fukai itami hodo kairaku ni kawaru

Rather than eternity continuing in inertia

I’ll teach you of a devastating climax

The deeper the pain the more it turns to pleasure

Subete wa tada horobi yuku sadame

Gareki ni yadoru yotsuyo no you na

Amai namida e to kuchizukeru mo ii

Destiny destroys everything

Like evening dew harboured inside rubbles

Now I wish to kiss your sweet tears

In case any of you are wondering where I disappeared to, I’m coping with the aftermath of a weird break up. It was a long term relationship; the guy has Narcissistic Personality Disorder in its classic manifestation. I’ve noticed people use the word ‘narcissistic’ very randomly, when describing a person who is rather full of themselves. Most of them are unaware of the debilitating effect of this disorder on the people around the narcissist and the narcissist himself. There is not a moment of peace. The relationship is very intense and after a while it just eats away at your self-esteem, your hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes everything until you are reduced to just a pile of nerves or, as in my case, a bitter and sarcastic individual who has lost all faith in love. Still, I’m trying to move on and rebuild, but I understand that this might take some time. Just wanted to share my experience.